DEAR ABBY: My parents went through a bitter divorce five years ago and have had little to no contact since then.
During the process of the divorce, their communication was through my siblings and me, which took a toll on us. However, despite the turmoil of the divorce, we are still close to both of them.
I'm a medical student who will be graduating next year.
I recently brought up the idea of having a graduation party, but my father says he refuses to come if Mom or anyone from her side of the family will be there.
This led to a discussion about future weddings and events that will most likely happen soon.
My siblings and I are in our mid- to late-20s, and Dad insists that he won't attend any future events that Mom will attend, even if it's his own child's wedding.
It was extremely difficult to hear.
My siblings and I can't imagine him boycotting something just because he doesn't want to be in the presence of our mother.
We all think he's overreacting and needs to get over the past.
Must we get over the fact that he doesn't want to be around our mother and allow him to skip these important days? -- CHILD OF DIVORCE IN MICHIGAN
DEAR CHILD: Your father may be angry, but he is also being selfish and childish.
By telling you what he did, he's attempting to manipulate you into choosing between him and your mother.
By asking me whether you should "allow" him to skip these important milestones, you appear to be under the impression that you can somehow control your father.
You cannot control the actions of another adult.
You can, however, control the way you react to his behavior.
You and your siblings should not allow yourselves to be manipulated. "Remind" your father that if he follows through with his threat, he will be missed, and the only person he'll be hurting is himself.
DEAR ABBY: My parents went through a bitter divorce five years ago and have had little to no contact since then.
우리 부모님들은 5년전 아주 피튀기는 이혼을 했으며 그후 전혀 연락을 하지 않을 정도로 관계가 없습니다.
During the process of the divorce, their communication was through my siblings and me, which took a toll on us.
이혼하는 과정에서 그들의 소통은 우리 남매들을 통해 이루어졌으며 그게 우리에겐 엄청 고통이었습니다.
However, despite the turmoil of the divorce, we are still close to both of them.
하지만 이혼의 소용돌이 속에서도 우리는 여전히 두분과 가깝게 지내고 있습니다.
I'm a medical student who will be graduating next year.
나는 내년 졸업을 앞둔 의대생입니다.
I recently brought up the idea of having a graduation party, but my father says he refuses to come if Mom or anyone from her side of the family will be there.
최근 나는 졸업파티에 대한 생각을 언급했습니다. 하지만 아빠는, 엄마나 그녀의 가족중 누군가가 그곳에 참석하면 자기는 오지 않겠다고 합니다.
This led to a discussion about future weddings and events that will most likely happen soon.
이 (졸업파티) 얘기는 앞으로 있을 결혼이나, 곧 있게 될 여러가지 이벤트에 대한 얘기로 흘렀습니다.
My siblings and I are in our mid- to late-20s, and Dad insists that he won't attend any future events that Mom will attend, even if it's his own child's wedding.
나와 우리 남매들은 20대중반부터 후반이며, 아빠는 엄마가 참석하는 행사는 어떤 행사이건 절대 참석하지 않겠다고 합니다, 자식들 결혼식까지요.
It was extremely difficult to hear.
이것은 정말 듣기 힘듭니다.
My siblings and I can't imagine him boycotting something just because he doesn't want to be in the presence of our mother.
우리 남매들은 그(아빠)가 엄마가 있는 곳에는 나타나고 싶지 않기때문에 그와 같은 행사를 거부한다는 것은 상상하기 어렵습니다.
We all think he's overreacting and needs to get over the past.
우리는 모두 그가 지나치게 굴고 있다고 생각하며, 과거를 떨쳐버려야 한다고 생각합니다.
Must we get over the fact that he doesn't want to be around our mother and allow him to skip these important days? -- CHILD OF DIVORCE IN MICHIGAN
우리는, 엄마가 있는 곳에 그가 오고 싶어 하지 않는다는 것을 받아들이고 그가 이러한 중요한 행사에 참석치 않는 것을 용납해 주어야 할까요?
DEAR CHILD: Your father may be angry, but he is also being selfish and childish.
아빠가 화가 나 있을수 있지만 그것보다 그는 이기적이고 유치합니다.
By telling you what he did, he's attempting to manipulate you into choosing between him and your mother.
그는 그가 하는 짓에 대해 얘기하며, 당신이 그와 엄마 사이를 선택하도록 유도하려고 하고 있습니다.
By asking me whether you should "allow" him to skip these important milestones, you appear to be under the impression that you can somehow control your father.
당신은 내게 "이런 중요한 행사에 아빠가 빠지는 것을 허락해야 할까요"라는 질문을 하면서, 당신이 어느정도 아빠의 행동을 콘트롤할 수 있다고 생각하고 있습니다.
You cannot control the actions of another adult.
당신은 다른 어른의 행동을 콘트롤할 수 없습니다.
You can, however, control the way you react to his behavior.
하지만 그의 행동에 대한 당신의 반응을 콘트롤할 수 있습니다.
You and your siblings should not allow yourselves to be manipulated.
당신과 당신 남매들은 휘둘리지 말아야 합니다.
"Remind" your father that if he follows through with his threat, he will be missed, and the only person he'll be hurting is himself.
당신 아빠에게, 그가 위협을 계속해 나가면 그 없이 모든 일이 이루어질 것이며, (그것으로 인해) 상처받는 사람은 그 자신임을 일깨워 주십시오.
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